I long for tears of joy
but only ones of sorrow fall
I'm my own worst enemy
throwing my back against the wall
if i hit the ground hard enough
perhaps i'll come back to reality
mentally under so much brutality
I often wonder what I did to deserve this
like i'm in God's shadow
and with him I've been dismissed
amidst a world of fallen angels
trying to see God's purpose amongst the angles
feeling as if the life i knew before has been strangled
my voice silenced for eternity
my mind however is screaming
I long to hear the beat of freedom
when all the battles are fought
and all the dreams are sought
all the while my heart has never forgot
what has made me strong
and the rights and wrong of my past
some days there were more tears than laughs
and a love I encountered in my soul will forever last
there's saddness in my eyes
lonliness at night
not a friend to call and ask if I'm alright
however I am still breathing
still fighting each day
still waking up giving God praise
I'm in World War III with my peace of mind
my body I know will heal in time
if not on Earth, then in my Father's kingdom
wanting to be angry
screaming: " LORD WHY ME?!" "GOD PLEASE I BEG OF YOU GIVE ME YOUR REASON!"

The above poem was written after I was diagnosed with HPV. I was 19 first year of college and still a virgin. I had only kissed one other guy. (yes I was a prude...lol) I was new to the city and the first guy I met caught my eye and after several months of getting to know each other he had charmed his way into my pants. We had used condoms a handful of times he assured me he was "clean," I had trusted him. Three months later...I became a "worry wart"...went to the gyno, gave me some cream and the warts went away. The dreaded phone call was next, following a colpo. and the cervical cancer diagnosis. Many times I would beg God to let me pregnant rather than fight a virus for a lifetime. Everyday is a mental battle, I am coming out stronger because of this though. As for me and "dude," he knows he gave it to me, and as much as I still want to be with him, he is afraid of making my health worse. HPV is a diagnosis not a lifestyle. At the end of the day I know everything has a purpose and it's own place and time. I can't let it consume my life to the point where I am not enjoying the positive blessings that have come my way. Ladies and Men just use condoms, it's that simple, they may be a little less pleasurable, but at the end of the day it's going to feel better than that wart getting burned off. :)

- A woman in Indiana between the ages of 20-24